I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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