He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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