I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Two words: blizzard sex
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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