So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
