he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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