I accidentally had phone sex last night
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
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I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
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There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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