you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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