Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
