One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
