I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
