3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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