so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
