Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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