our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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