it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
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All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
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hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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