He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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