38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
