That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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