I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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