my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
