I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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