fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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