To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
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when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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