smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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