a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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