i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
