he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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