Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
