Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
