she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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