somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
