dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
