it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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