I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
