Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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