I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
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He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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