And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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