is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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