Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
