come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
