Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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