Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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