Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
