It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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