I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
