if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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