I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
