Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
honey bunches of taint.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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