My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
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I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
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One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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