so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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