That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
