I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
