got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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