Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Randomize
