pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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