I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
