well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
