Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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