They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
