Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
