reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
