i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Randomize
