I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The Olympian is in my bed
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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