I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
