She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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