i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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