we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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