Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize