Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
