Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize