if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
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At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
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He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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