Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
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