How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
