I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
