I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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