You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I can't put those talents on a resume
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
