the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
