I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize