Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
