i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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